I hate you, but I love you
by Mikesch10
Summary: I could hate you. I could curse you. I could ignore you. But I can't forget you. No matter how, you will be there forever, you will be in my mind, no matter if I want to see you again or if I wish you were on the moon. I hate you, Lily. And I will always hate you. But I am not able to forget you.


_Warum lauf ich Nachts ohne Ziel  
durch all die fremden Straßen  
und will 'ne Geschichte erzähl´n,  
die nie zu Ende geht?  
Warum wart ich tags auf den Regen,  
auf die große Flut?  
(Why do I run at night without a goal  
Through all the streets I don't know  
And why do I want to tell a story  
wich doesn't have an end?  
Why do I wait for the rain  
For the big flood?)_

__

Cold.

Icecold wind blows over my face.

Ice is coming to my nose. Tom y nose caused you to call me Pinocchio. Once upon a time I laughed to override my anger, today I don't even talk about you. Today I don't even speak with you.

Lily?

Do you still know me? I'm the jaundiced elder sister, who wants to get a wand too. I'd like to hold it just for one single time, but you won't ever allow it after all the nasty things I said. Not after that big fight we had.

I hate you, did you know this? I hate you, because you were the one our parents were proud of. They never looked at me. Because I am just usual. I'm just a Muggle.I hate you, because you've always been the perfect child. Without mistakes. And without any defects.

I hate you, Lily. For everything you ever did.

I'm putting one feet after the other, I don't where I'm going to, I just go with all the people that are around me. Everytime, when I see a woman with red hair, it's like you put a sword into my heart again and again. You put a sword into my broken heart.

You broke my heart into thausands of pieces, did you know this? You hurt me so much. Too much. You broke my heart with every single word you said at your wedding. With the silent, nearly voiceless „I do", that confirmed your love to James Potter. With the happy smile on your face when you looked at me. And with your promise to let me be.

I love you, Lily.

But I hate you too. And I wait. I wait for an excuse every single day of my grey life. I wait for you to hurt me more and more with every hour, every minute, every second of my life. I start to hate you with the power of my heart, sister. Please, come home, I want to see you for one single time.

Just once.  


_Sind Welten, die uns trennen.  
Nichts ist ewig.  
Hab deine Stimme fast gelöscht.  
Es ist soweit.  
(There are worlds that seperate us  
Nothing's fort he eternity  
I've nearly deleted your voice  
It is time)_

__

But you don't come. You won't ever come, because the fight seperated us. We fought, because we live in two different worlds. I'd really like to live in your world, want to do magic like you do. But you never showed me anything.

Not a single time you showed me how to do magic.

Lily?

Who's that? I don't know it anymore, I don't know the sound of your voice, don't know your laugh, can't see you jumping, dancing and looking at me with that bright smile on your face. I don't know your face anymore, don't know the color of your skin or your lips. But there's one thing I can't forget.

Your eyes.

Your beautiful, almond-shaped, emerald green eyes.

Your expressionable eyes that I love that much. No. No, I don't love them anymore. And I will never ever love them again.

Those times have passed by.

I hate your eyes. I hate your big, bright eyes that sparkled at me and made me happy once upon a time. Today I would close the door in front of your nose.

If you were there. If you came to see me.

If you would ever ring the doorbell.

If you would alow me to take a look at you. Or at your baby.

If you would remember me.

But you don't do anything.

Because you forgot me, pt me out of your life, deleted all the memorys. You just forgot me.

Because it is over.

We're not sisters anymore.

We don't even know each other.

You hate me, I hate you.  


_Denn ich hab dich nie gehalt´n.  
Ich hab dich nie vermisst.  
Ich weiß nicht wer du warst, nicht wer du bist.  
Ich kenn nicht mal deinen Namen.  
Ich hab dich nie geliebt.  
Ich hab nur grad vergessen zu vergessen,  
dass es dich gibt.  
(Because I never held you  
I never missed you  
I don't know, who you were, don't know, who you are  
I don't even know your name  
I've never loved you  
I just forgot to forget  
that you exist)_

__

I've never loved you, Lily. I didn't love you when we were children and I don't love you now. I don't even know, who you are.

I don't know a Lily Potter, that name doesn't exist in my mind, and the woman that carries that name doesn't exist too. It's a beautiful young woman with long, curly and red hair. A beautiful young woman with emerald green eyes. The tears are running down my face at once. I only have tot hink about you to cry.

I want to forget you like you forgot me. I want to put you out of my life and never mention you again, Lily. But I don't know if I'm able to do this. If I could delete your eyes.

I could hate you.

I could curse you.

I could ignore you.

But I can't forget you. No matter how, you will be there forever, you will be in my mind, no matter if I want to see you again or if I wish you were on the moon. I hate you, Lily.

And I will always hate you.

But I am not able to forget you. I will not forget you.  


_Dass es dich gibt.  
(That you exist)_

__

Lily Potter stared at the sheet of paper that was lying in front of her. She stared at the words that hurted her soul. Her thin fingers ran over the sheet of paper that just arrived from the Muggle's mail.

Every single word remembered the young woman of her elder sister, that she loved so much. Once upon a time. When she knew how it felt to have a sister. And when she knew how it felt to love a sister.

„Idiot." The silent word was nearly voiceless when it left her lips. Red curls fell in front of sparkling emerald green eyes. Emerald green eyes that were filled with mourning and pain.

„As if I could forget you…" She put away the letter with a sad expression on her face and stared at the table. „As if I could ever forget you, Tunia…."

_°#~*+*~#°_

_Denn ich hab dich nie gehalt´n.  
Ich hab dich nie vermisst.  
Ich weiß nicht wer du warst, nicht wer du bist.  
Ich kenn nicht mal deinen Namen.  
Ich hab dich nie geliebt.  
Ich hab nur grad vergessen zu vergessen,  
dass es dich gibt.  
(Because I never held you  
I never missed you  
I don't know, who you were, don't know, who you are  
I don't even know your name  
I've never loved you  
I just forgot to forget  
that you exist)_


End file.
